Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The dreading IS worse than the doing.
I finally pressed this quilt I've been working on recently and doing some free motion machine quilting on it. Can I say "I'm in love with quilting all over again!" I actually stayed up to 3:00 am and worked on this. Maybe I'm halfway through the top so far.
For the stitching, Instead of a simple meander, I'm inserting little stars sporatically and intermittenly throughout. This is the first time I'm using Signature thread and have a nicely variegrated "primaries" color that is being used. It flows beautifully with the colors of the front AND the back of this quilt.
See what I mean. It's coming along nicely, now why did I put this off for so long? Oh yeah, finding the space to lay it out so that it could get basted seemed to be the major delay besides my own defeating mindset. I love each step in the quilting process when I'm doing it, it just seems like I can't "shift my gears smoothly enough" when going from one stage into the next. I need to let go sooner and just flow with it.
Yesterday, we had to see DH's Cardiologist in VT. It went smoothly yet the Dr. mentioned that he had to inform us of the probability of a heart transplant at some point. Not now and hopefully not for awhile, but DH needs to get some more tests done so they'll have more baseline results ready for when the time comes. At first the Dr even thought DH had a 5% lose of function and since his EF is only at 15% I was thinking yikes! Seeing him sleep so much, I know he is tired. It will be good when he feels more able again. SO the transplant may actually be a godsend when that time comes perhaps. When the Doctor compare the Echo to his last echo though there were no radical changes so that is good.
We knew this would be coming at some point and have discussed it with the what ifs. DH even was against having a transplant saying it would be best for a younger person to get the potential heart instead of him since he was older. I did mention this to the Dr. and said how I told DH it's the best candidate that matches is the first criteria before age or other maladies are factored in. Which the Doctor told DH was correct. DH is only 57 and I know he is saying this partly because of him being sick too, and he is tired.
With all of this I am wondering, Am I doing to this what I do with my quilting and not letting the "flow" happen within my mindset? I am sitting hear crying while typing this.
Thank God for the medical miracles in this day and age. We have great medical insurances, a wonderful and trusted Doctor and terrific and loving family support, yet I am fearful. Is it the unknown? The fear of loosing him? I am glad that the Doctor brought it up since there were many questions I have had for awhile and they were answered yesterday. The cardiac stocking is not an option nor is Cardiac ablation a viable therapy. I had thought that there would be steps betweeen now and the Transplant but I guess not. So please say prayers that "HIS" will be done. DH is so strong that he hasn't even shed a tear and it's his heart, body and life. Now me on the other hand, God gave me the gift of tears and I am trying to be strong and NOT Tearful, esp. around DH. but all I want right now is for somebody to hold me and tell me everything will be alright.